Song of My Heart
by LadyKitsune88
Summary: A chapter on Sesshoumaru's past and present that gives insight to his character and maybe explains why he is the way he is. This story is purely fictional and the "past" is simply derived from my imagination. Enjoy!


Song of My Heart  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama!"  
  
Cool golden eyes rested on the little human girl as she ran to greet him. Why he allowed this girl to follow him, he didn't know, but follow him she did for she had nowhere else to go. Jaken was being pathetic again, complaining that the human girl, Rin, was teasing him while he was away. Such loud company he keeps for someone so solitary. With natural grace he swiftly walked to a large oak tree and promptly sat down. His goal was to rest before his next match with his incompetent brother and distractions were not welcome. Peace was his.  
  
Or so he thought.  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama!" Jaken's annoying plea interrupted his already crowded thoughts. Why won't that annoying little youkai shut up? Sesshoumaru wondered why he even revived Jaken with Tensaiga in the first place. Jaken pleaded, complaining that the human was teasing him again. "Well, those two get along well," he mused. Just as long as they keep to themselves and leave him out of it for now, he had no complaints.  
  
But rest with this immature company seemed impossible. Jaken had hit the girl on her head with the Staff of Heads and now she was making the whole clearing ring with her wails. Sesshoumaru sighed. It seemed that one of them was going to have to go somewhere else for him to get the rest he needed. He pondered for a while.  
  
"Jaken."  
  
The little toad scampered to his feet. "Yes, Sesshomaru-sama?" Always the eager servant, isn't he? Sesshoumaru was grateful. Even if he was practically useless, at least he followed orders.  
  
"I need you to go and scout out the area. I feel an evil presence."  
  
"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama. Right away." And with that the toad left.  
  
After Jaken's departure the little clearing was peaceful and calm. Rin had ceased crying once Jaken had gone and was now whispering to Ah-Uh. Quietly, Sesshoumaru breathed a sigh of content and leaned against the trunk of the oak and closed his eyes. Not a few seconds later, he felt cool little hands on his forehead.  
  
He opened his eyes and found himself looking into Rin's soft brown ones. Currently, they held a worried and slightly annoyed expression.  
  
"What is it Rin?" He little hands felt cool against his fevered head.  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama bad. Sesshoumaru-sama lie to Jaken."  
  
Smart girl. "And how would that make me a bad person?"  
  
"Because Rin's mama always said that lying would get Rin into more trouble." Her little face held an absolute expression. Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow. Humans and their beliefs.  
  
"But I am not Rin, you are. You are not the one who lied to Jaken."  
  
"But if Rin gets into trouble for lying, wouldn't Sesshoumaru-sama get in trouble too?"  
  
He turned his head and closed his eyes.  
  
Little Rin continued on. "What if a youkai suddenly appears out of nowhere? How is Sesshoumaru-sama going to protect himself and Rin if Jaken is on a wild goose chase? At least Jaken is strong enough to kill any average youkai."  
  
Sesshoumaru raised the other eyebrow, his eyes still closed. So, she'd caught on. Little brat. How dare she imply that he wasn't feeling well. No one let on to know if he wasn't feeling well. Yet, the little brat was brash enough to say that he wasn't strong enough to protect himself even in his weakened form. She's got to have a death wish, there's just no other explanation.  
  
Rin at the moment had climbed onto his lap and was intensely watching his face. The closeness of her human body to his own made him uncomfortable, even edgy. Humans reeked, as far as he was concerned, and he had no interest in being anywhere close to one if he could help it, even this little girl. Yet, her little hands had now taken up the task of massaging his temples, a sensation that felt - in plain terms - good. It helped with the headache that had been threatening to break since his battle with Inuyasha, and her little hands where cool to the touch, which helped with his fever.  
  
"Is Sesshoumaru-sama feeling better now?"  
  
"Yes." He couldn't help it. Her little hands were doing wonders for him.  
  
"That's good. Rin's mama always did that for Rin when Rin wasn't feeling good. Now Sesshoumaru-sama will sleep and not be mad at Rin for knowing he was sick. Rin will go now and keep Jaken away." And with that she climbed out of his lap and skipped off with Ah-Uh. Sesshoumaru stared after her. How did she know he was mad at her? Was mad even the word? Maybe irked or annoyed would be better, but how did she know? The little human could read him like it was nothing. How could she know all that about him? Was he that transparent?  
  
He could hear her laughing now. Her voice was a bit distant, but he could hear it. She was probably talking to herself, making up some little joke to laugh at with Ah-Uh. She did that. Talk to herself. She was so...innocent. And yet, she really shouldn't be, not after all that she'd seen and been through. Not to mention that, for a child who lost her parents at such a young age, she was really cheerful. A happy child. Or maybe it was just an act. If it's just an act, it's a pretty good one. But he negated the thought. He was giving her too much credit there. Humans weren't that smart, especially little girls. They were fools.  
  
The clearing swayed with gentle breeze, the birds chirping. The oak groaned from the weight of it's massive foliage, the stream, not far off, trickled as it rolled over little rocks and pebbles. It was peaceful here, such a contrast from his regular days - the blood, the death, the pain. He wondered at the childish laughter in the distance, wondered at how he was the one who saved her. He, the one who despised and hated humans. Hated their existence.  
  
And in the clearing Sesshoumaru dreamed.  
  
He dreamed of his life. He saw himself, a young boy, playing by a river with his father. He had no recollection of his mother, she died after giving birth to him. But his father had been there. His father was strong, brave and loving. He took care of him. He looked up to his father. It was just the two of them for a long time. Sesshoumaru was happy then.  
  
Then, his father met Izayoi. A human. She was nice, a quiet woman. Sometimes she'd play with him when his father wasn't there. She'd tell him stories and go berry-picking with him by her side. She'd watch the stars at night with him. She was a warm woman.  
  
But she was human. She was a burden to his father. Sesshoumaru could tell that his father cared for the woman, but she couldn't do anything for him. She was frail, her body too weak to do much. Most of the time she'd sit in her hut, in the farming village, and knit clothes for the village people. She didn't go out too much. And the times when she did come out to meet his father, it'd have to be late afternoon or at night because she'd faint in the harsh sun.  
  
But father loved her, and so, Sesshoumaru decided that he'd try too. But it was hard. It was never just him and his father anymore. He'd always be left with her when his father went to dangerous places. That had never happened before. They'd always go everywhere together - dangerous or not. But since the woman came, he was always left with her. He never got to see his father as much. Even when his father was there it wasn't the same. They could never roll in the grass or chase fish in the streams anymore because he was always with her. His father was always talking to her, taking care of her, holding her.  
  
His father loved her.  
  
Then, his little brother came. At first Sesshoumaru was curious. He'd never had a little brother before. But that feeling soon changed. He remembered when Inuyasha was a baby and could hardly do anything by himself. After he was born, the woman became even weaker. She barely had the strength to walk to the little garden in front of their hut anymore. Sesshoumaru was left to take care of Inuyasha. And he wouldn't have minded, really, if only Inuyasha wasn't such a weak baby. Inuyasha was constantly plagued by fevers and colds. Sesshoumaru once thought that it was because he was a hanyou. Maybe the human and youkai in him were fighting for dominance. Either way, he would hardly eat and was always crying. Their father traveled far to look for medicines and herbs to make his brother better, but none seemed to work.  
  
Then, one day, Sesshoumaru woke up to find his father returning home. It had been months since he'd last seen him and he rushed out to greet him. But he found his father fatally wounded. His father told him that he'd found the herb, in a village far away, that would make his brother better. It was guaranteed to work. But at the last minute, the village people found out that he was a youkai and ambushed him. Since then, he'd been barely able to make it back home. On the way he was vulnerable to other youkai and humans. It was a miracle he made it.  
  
But he didn't make it. No. The last thing his father said to him was, "Give this to my son. Save my son..."  
  
His father then left. He was dying, and yet he left them. He left Sesshoumaru. He left Sesshoumaru to take care of everything. He knew his father was dying and that there was no way he could change that. But he loved his father, so he saved his little brother. Once he was better, he lead the woman and Inuyasha to a town beyond the mountains. And he left them there. He got the town leader to look after them. Then...he left, too.  
  
Sesshoumaru hated everything from then on. It was all that woman's fault. If only she hadn't let father fall in love with her. If only she hadn't had a son for him. If only that son wasn't such a sickly baby. If only his father wasn't so caught up in his sick son's life that he forgot about Sesshoumaru. If only...  
  
Sesshoumaru awoke to soft darkness. The day had passed and the night had slipped upon him. His eyes searched the clearing and found Jaken. Jaken was snoring away by a large tree, holding his staff securely. Sesshoumaru searched for Rin but couldn't see her. He saw Ah-Uh in the corner but no Rin. Then a rustle next to him revealed her, snuggled against his tail, sleeping softly. She was holding a damp towel and a water bowl wasn't far off. Another bowl was next to it, filled with fruits and berries.  
  
Sesshoumaru stared at her for a while longer. His fever was gone and so was his headache. He took the damp towel from her and placed it next to the bowls. He repositioned Rin against him so she could be more comfortable in her sleep. Then he set his head back against the trunk of the oak and looked into the inky blackness of the night sky.  
  
The stars called to him. Cold. Distant. He remembered what he'd heard about the stars from that one human girl traveling with his half- brother when he spied on them once. She said that in her time they'd found stars to be different planets floating in nothing, not even air. She'd called it space. Most of them were balls of ice, melting in the sky. But some of them were hot; fires and volcanoes erupting on their surfaces. He wondered at that. How warmth could exist in the coldest of places.  
  
Rin shifted. He remembered another thing too. Rin said once, when they were looking at the stars, that they reminded her of him. He couldn't understand that either. And yet...It made him feel...like something he'd never felt before. Or maybe he hadn't felt in a long time.  
  
His life wasn't normal by a long shot. And yet he was still here. Like the stars where still there in that inky black sky, weather they were ice balls or fire balls. Weather he was the way he was by a matter of choice or a matter of fate, here is where he was and where he figured he'd stay.  
  
Rin whimpered in her sleep. She was probably dreaming of her parents. Their death. And hers...He held her, wrapping his tail around her to keep her warm. And once more he looked at the stars as his eyes slowly drifted off to sleep. Maybe the dream would be a happy dream this time...  
  
Hello! Hello!  
  
Well, that's the end. This was just a one chapter thing and frankly, I'm amazed that I wrote this. That I wrote anything at all. It had been so long since I wrote any kind of fanfiction and to tell you the truth, I was worried that this wouldn't come out the way I wanted it too. But, I've written it, and I'd love some feedback on it. It'd be nice to know what you all thought of it.  
  
Note: Constructive criticism will be better taken note of than flames. -Quote by Geniusgirl: The Original.  
  
Extra: (1) The story was written in a random frame of time. If episode orders and such were mixed up, know that they were not done because I didn't care or anything like that. It was done because the story flowed better with it like that.  
  
(2) Sesshoumaru's "tail" is not really a tail. It's just easier to call it that. (It was an inheritance from his father.)  
  
(3) I do not own Inuyasha or other related marketing products. But hell, if I did I'd be one happy girl!  
  
(4) There is no #4, I just like even numbers.   
  
Bye-bye!! 


End file.
